Integritus Prime

Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves. – Friedrisch Nietsch

After attending Marilyn’s course on Mindful Communication and Boundary Setting, I started pondering: what are my responsibilities to myself? We all hear what we should and should not do for others, since we are children. However, it is not often that we are told what we should be doing for ourselves, especially when it comes to mental, emotional and spiritual health. For physical health, we might be told: brush your teeth, shower daily, wear clean clothes and eat your vegetables.

For mental health, I do not recall being given much advise or tips as a child. As an adult, I do recall being told to take deep breaths when I’m frustrated or angry. However, there are a lot more ways to take care of our own mental health and wellbeing.

Generally, neglecting ourselves occurs for at least 3 reasons: lack of self-awareness, poor self-esteem and harmful habits that formed during childhood. As we age, we learn that we are all accountable for our own lives.

Most of us have been prioritizing others all our lives. Here are 9 responsibilities we have to ourselves:

1. Stay away from drama. If we can avoid it, we should stay away. If we cannot leave because, for instance, it’s a family member, let’s try to deescalate the drama around us.
2. Take rest when we need it. There is no need to take permission from anyone. We could let them know as a courtesy that we’re going to rest.
3. Tell others what we need. If we need space, or quiet time for our mental health, then we need to communicate this to people around us.
4. Heal ourselves! Many of us have suffered from some type of abuse, and have trauma. If we do not heal ourselves, then we cannot lead authentic lives. We will be reacting to people and circumstances differently and may even become perpetrators of abuse ourselves.
5. Set and hold our boundaries. Of course, this is important. Many times we try to set boundaries but forget to communicate it, or do not spell out the consequences or hesitate to enforce them. Boundaries need to be set and enforced because we are important – we matter and our mental health matters.
6. Invest in our growth. Especially when it comes to learning new skills, being creative, and building your own career.
7. Prioritize our inner peace. No one else can do this for us. Gurus and sages will give you ideas but we have to do the hard work. Being at peace is also very much related to healing our trauma.
8. Take care of our needs. Only we know what our needs are, hence we need to prioritize ourselves and meet those needs. Most of the time we are too busy taking care of others.
9. Stand up for ourselves. We deserve respect and need to be heard. So we have to stand up for ourselves.

From a very early age, we are told to be nice and not to ‘rock the boat’. However, being nice often leads to abuse or being taken advantage of. I do not remember being told to stand up for myself. We need to communicate this to everyone, especially women, children and non-binary people. These are the most vulnerable groups in our societies.

Share with us your practice of being responsible to yourself. We could all learn to honor and prioritize ourselves.

By the inimitable Dr. Margaret Cornelius, guest blogger extraordinaire.