5 Things I Learned as I got Older
Recently, I saw a social media post about things people learn as they grow older, and it really made me reflect on my life experiences over the past seven decades. Life teaches us so many things, yet we forget to share this with our loved ones (such as younger siblings, cousins, children, grandchildren or even friends). It is important to share, not only because we want them to learn our lessons, but for them to be aware that each and every experience, incident, workshop or other event may have a lesson for us.
Intrigued by the post, I researched further and found that there could be a lot more to learn about what we learn as we age.
I still feel that I learn something new almost everyday, from technology, to AI functions, to boundary setting and to lived experiences. Some of the lessons learned serve us for life, others might be good to know and store away or share with others, and another category of experiences may be valuable and improve our quality of life significantly.
Here are 5 life lessons I would like to share with you:
1. Discipline and persistence are critical for achieving our goals. I have lived and experienced this. Never giving up on my dream since I was 5-years old, of becoming a medical doctor and I achieved it despite hurdles along the way. I have written about it in my book , Career Manifestation: What it takes to be who you are in a world that wants you to be someone else. It was published by Alchemus Prime (my daughter’s company) on Amazon.
As this saying goes:
If you don’t build your dream, someone will hire you to help build theirs
2. Doing what I want to do now and not putting it off until later. I wanted a family (husband and children) when I was 21 years old. Some family members thought I was mad, as I was only in the second year of medical school. However, I did get married and had my first child when I was in year four of medical school and second child soon after I finished my internship. It was not easy – I faced lots of challenges – but I made it work with support. My autobiography contains my reflections about this.
3. Letting go of grudges, revenge and negative thoughts is important. I was abused as a child and always had the urge that if I get a chance, I will harm them back. This stayed with me for a long time until I learned that it only hurts me and makes me bitter in life. People who abused me had moved on and were enjoying their lives. Counseling and therapy made me realize it was never my fault. It is not my fault that I was pretty, young, witty and curious. All children are!
I also realized that as an adult, it is up to me to heal and move on. The past cannot be changed but a lesson is learnt. The perpetrators may have been abused themselves, so abusing others may have come naturally to them. I moved away as I grew and severed all ties with them. They did not have a hold on me once I began to know and value myself for who I was. I deserve to be loved as I am.
4. Don’t help people unless they ask for help. Many people learn by making their own mistakes. There is no point in helping them avoid what they want to do anyway. This was a hard lesson for me to learn especially for my specialty in non-communicable disease prevention. With prevention of any disease, it is the people at risk who have to take precautions not the health care givers. We can only make them aware. For example, for diabetes prevention and control, doctors have to ask their clients to reduce or avoid raw sugar and refined carbohydrates (such as white flour products and white rice). However, some of my clients said for me to give them tablets instead to control blood sugars, because they cannot change their diet; others could not afford whole-meal products or didn’t like the flavor. I had to let them be and inform them of the consequences of uncontrolled blood sugars and taking too many tablets. It is their life and these are their decisions.
5. After every night there is a day. Despite the suffering I have today, tomorrow will be a different day. A bad day or event does not spell doom. I have gone through many days where it would have been so easy to give up, however, once the suffering was over there was light at the end of the tunnel. One painful example is that my mum died in hospital and I could not make it on time to see her. It was her third heart attack and I had to travel quite a distance to get there. It took me a long time to get over her death, as I felt there were so many things I wanted to tell her and listen to her voice one last time. Now, I know I can talk to her whenever I want; I feel her presence whenever I miss her.
There are many other lessons I recall; maybe I’ll share another time. However, for me, every moment is precious. Everyday is a blessing and I feel the urge to make the most of it.
Share with us some of your life lessons.
Written by the inimitable Dr. Margaret Cornelius, Wellness Advisor to Alchemus Prime.
