Integritus Prime

I’ve been reflecting a lot on how people create harm, often subconsciously, because they refuse to work on their trauma. Or perhaps because they cannot work on it. Many scenarios exist, but some common themes emerge. Here, I discuss five of them.

1. Arrogance – often, people have ego-based fears and insecurities as well as low self-esteem as a result of childhood trauma. The ego masks these with arrogance, such that people project themselves as all-knowing, expert, or superior, while inside they are cowering in fear and self-doubt. This facade of arrogance can create harm to their relationships and career prospects.
2. Self-sabotage – fear can also create situations in which people will destroy their hopes – whether it’s romantic or professional, because they have a hardwired belief that things won’t work out. This belief comes from trauma in previous relationships or situations. So, running away is preferred to staying and trying.
3. No accountability– people can blame others when triggered, and fail to be accountable for their distorted viewpoints. They cannot see past their own worldview, and nothing is ever their responsibility.
4. Lack of gratitude – those who are caught up in the cycle of their traumatic ways of being will often reject help, dismiss offers of support, and fail to show any gratitude to those who have been attempting to assist.
5. Stonewalling – a person can withdraw, giving silent treatment to others. This puts loved ones into a state of concern because there is no communication – they are being punished for the upset a person is feeling.

These types of attitudes and behaviors can harm loved ones, colleagues, and others who see the person’s patterns and want to help. It is important to be able to observe one’s own patterns, and seek help when those patterns begin to harm those around us.

Do you have examples of how you have been collateral damage due to someone’s struggle with their own trauma?