10 Early Signs of Domestic Violence
There are many examples of couples courting or getting to know each other before they get married. Everything is hunky dory or rosy most of the time, especially if there is no live-in relationship before marriage. Then comes a grand wedding or even a simple one with a honeymoon period. What actually happens after that determines what the real domestic situation is.
Physical or intimate partner violence is the ultimate marker of domestic violence. In some cases, it starts pretty early without the appearance of children, but in many cases the situation gets highlighted after children are included in the tragedy. Statistics show that domestic violence is usually towards women and children, however it could be to anyone in a partnership where they live together.
Recently I came across a poster on social media, which talked about early signs of domestic violence. To be honest, this is when remedial actions should start but women as ultimate pacifiers, tolerators of abuse and peacemakers, think that the situation will resolve maybe through a miracle or if they ‘keep the peace’.
Family, relatives and sometimes even close friends will encourage women to tolerate the situation and make it work. Not many people suggest marriage counseling at this stage, even if they do the couple may not agree or the woman is too scared to suggest the same to the partner, or there maybe other reasons or excuses.
So what are some of the early signs of domestic violence? Initially it may feel like jealousy but also control (a patriarchal norm) and then soon it may escalate to life-threatening domestic violence.
Here are at least 10 early signs to look for in developing domestic violence situations, courtesy of Letitia Shelton, CEO of City Women, Toowoomba, who works with survivors of domestic violence:
- Are you feeling afraid to disagree with your partner?
- Does his temper make you feel afraid of him?
- Have you stopped voicing your opinions for fear of being ridiculed?
- Do you have to apologize to other people for your partner’s behavior?
- Do you have to ask for his permission to go out, justify what you do when you do go out, who you spend time with? Will he get angry if you don’t?
- Does your partner call you derogatory names?
- Does he put you down in front of other people or even embarrass you in front of other people?
- Do you get things thrown at you, shoved, slapped or kicked?
- Does your partner threaten you with violence when you talk about separation or leaving him? Does he threaten to hurt himself if you leave?
- Does he force you to have sex when you do not want it?
How many did you answer “Yes” to?
There maybe other subtle signs, especially in how you feel in his presence. Do you feel pressured to say things differently or wear different clothes? Do you feel that you are walking on egg-shells and something you do or say will trigger his abusive behavior?
The important issue is that if these signs are heeded, acknowledged, discussed and addressed, then getting trapped in an abusive relationship can be avoided. For this to happen, women need to take time before committing to romantic relationships, and they need strong boundaries and self-esteem too, which the patriarchy does not encourage.
Domestic violence is a real problem in many countries, including in the South Pacific region and it is very heartbreaking to see the escalating numbers.
Share with us your experiences with domestic violence cases so we can help reduce the statistics and provide the necessary tools for women to be safe.
