Integritus Prime

I know I should sleep. But this vigilance needs to be heard. A valid voice. A memory. Or rather, a narrative of memories. Replaying. Vivid.

A voice that listens.

A book keeps me company. Music therapy is another nocturnal friend.

A deep silence. Privileged to live in this cushioned moment. In a world of violence, I lie awake enveloped in quietude.

This cocoon is an incubator of revolution. Small steps but make no mistake. This life is about saying no. Standing up. With warmth, kindness, and love. But firm boundaries.

I teach empowerment. Because I was born into victimhood. The imprints of my abusers are still within me. But their voices and visions are dimming – I see them less and I hear my own voice more.

This transition is important.

The vigilance is different. That voice tells me I’m a protector. Lying awake before I can succumb to the vulnerable surrender that is sleep, is about protectiveness. It’s love.

I’m stubborn. I won’t acquiesce. I’ll lie here until I pass out, loyal to my nervous system’s state. A state I resisted then accepted. Now, I honor the awareness.

An awakened mind accepts reality. Carrying on is a level of adulting that cannot help but be scary. The inner child cowers as the outer self steps forward.

It’s time. Sleep beckons and vigilance softens. I’ll see you tomorrow. Solidarity. Peace with what is.

Silence.