How Betrayal Trauma Shows up in Relationships
Lately I’ve been observing behavior patterns, as usual, of people around me. In particular, romantic betrayal (cheating on your romantic partner) has been coming up. I have noted that there are subtle manipulations a person will perform to gauge whether they can trust someone. For example, someone who has been cheated on might reject a romantic interest, because they feel afraid of getting hurt, or because they want to see if the rejected person shows any emotion. Distress, hurt, or other emotion would signal that the romantic interest is genuinely interested. Sadly, this may not be enough.
When I did some more research, I found that infidelity can have a range of impacts on the betrayed person:
- loss of self-esteem and self-worth
- numbness
- anger
- guilt
- difficulty controlling emotions
- intrusive thoughts about affair details
- loss of faith in others
- suspicion and hypervigilance
- depression, anxiety, and other mental health symptoms
- physical symptoms, including insomnia, pain, and stomach distress
Betrayal also comes in the form of childhood trauma. As children we rely on parents for shelter, food, and safety. When we are abandoned, tortured, deprived or abused, we experience betrayal. A betrayed child may show the following signs:
- trouble recognizing, expressing, or managing emotions
- anxiety, depression, and other mental health symptoms
- nightmares
- physical pain or stomach distress
- panic attacks
- thoughts of suicide
- difficulty trusting others
- attachment issues
- eating disorders
- substance use
Betrayal trauma is serious but we can overcome it with therapy and self-compassion. Share with me your experiences and let’s learn together.
