From Patterns to Freedom
I snapped recently. I was exhausted from holding space for a ton of people. I then immersed myself in something that was heavy. I played my role perfectly: the encouraging coach.
Then, it hit me. I wasn’t just coaching. I was rescuing, caretaking, and inadvertently, I was enabling. I was feeding a pattern because of my pattern of pleasing and saving. I was working harder than the client, and as much as I wanted to protect them from a particular outcome, I ended up failing, and that very outcome came to pass. I failed because I was doing too much, and could never do what they needed to do for themselves. No one ever can.
Lesson: set boundaries early.
The cycles we go through can feel loopy and foggy. Patterns are inauthentic – that much is clear. The lessons are clear too, once we wade through the muck of patterns, blindspots and our greatest obstacle: our minds.
Snapping brought me clarity. Fatigue broke the pattern. I could see clearly now.
I took action. I practiced to avoid reacting but I was still feeling incredulous. My action was met with anger, which is uncomfortable but necessary. It is important to stay with the authentic path once it becomes visible. Come what may.
That said, it’s also crucial to stay truthful, open, and compassionate. To go the extra mile and own your errors, make amends, and yet stand your ground with healthier boundaries. Not easy. Not pretty. But necessary.
As a coach, I am an eternal optiminist, but this doesn’t mean I can solve anything or everything. It means I believe in my clients. I believe in THEIR power to heal themselves. If they do not choose to change, nothing changes. If they are not ready, able, willing or committed, or some combination of this, then my process won’t work. If my process isn’t right for them, it will become obvious. Another process might work.
It’s humbling. To realize my goal of preventing my clients from the aloneness and struggle I went through, is not a viable goal. It’s a trauma pattern. My job is to be the clear mirror, a sounding board, and a place of safe empowerment for each client who is willing, able, ready, and committed, to do their inner work, and free themselves of patterns, so they can live their authentic life.
My work is about freedom. As my clients grow, they teach me too. My therapy helps me immensely to name, detach from, and ultimately heal triggers. Some are gnarly. Some take time.
The time we invest in our inner work is priceless. The price we pay for liberty, for authenticity, is never too much. We were born to soar. Anything less for a creator is an insult.
So, take the hits as they come. Be challenged, challenge others. Fight for what is true and right and just. Start with yourself. Your journey of self-love is the only thing that will always be with you. Until you’re gone to another form, another dimension. Be you. Do what it takes to love yourself as the work in progress, and the masterpiece.
We are that duality. Particle. Wave. Chaos, Serenity. Pattern. Freedom. Now. Here.
Ultimately, we are love. Breaking down all patterns and barriers to become who we are? That’s life.
