6 Signs You’re Heading for a Co-Dependency

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I’ve been reflecting a lot on co-dependency, and I wanted to highlight in this post, some signals that can help you figure out if you’re heading in that direction. A co-dependency is an unhealthy relationship in which one person is enabling the other’s bad habits, addiction, or fears, and they feel they cannot leave. Here are five signs to look out for:

  1. Too much reliance. Whether it’s for emotional needs, or other needs, every person should have a healthy circle of friends, family and colleagues. If a person is too emotionally or otherwise dependent on you, be aware of what is your limit and let them know.
  2. Too much priority. This may take focus away from their ability to be self-reliant and do things for themselves, because they feel you are most important. They may hide their reality or feelings to ensure they are liked by you.
  3. Too much responsibility or work. If you feel you are taking on more for the other person than they are doing for themselves, then it’s very likely time to pull back.
  4. Resentment: If you’ve been carrying a lot of the weight, you will eventually feel resentment against the other person.
  5. Self-doubt: You may start to discount your own preferences and boundaries for the sake of the other person, and this will bring you back to resentment.
  6. Loss of sense of self: If you can’t figure out who you are, and rely on the relationship for your identity, you are being co-dependent.

People who are co-dependent tend to have the following traits:

  • Low self-esteem
  • Trouble identifying your own emotions
  • Trouble making decisions
  • Desire to care for others
  • Desire to feel important to someone
  • An excessive sense of responsibility for the way others act
  • A tendency to fall in love with people you can “rescue”
  • Difficulty dealing with change
  • A strong need for approval or recognition, and feeling hurt when you don’t receive it 
  • A strong need to control other people
  • Poor communication skills

Boundaries are crucial to heal co-dependency. Another tactic is to have a strong social circle, high self-esteem, and reasonable goals, with an ability to push back assertively when people demand unreasonable things from you. Ultimately, it’s important to go to the root cause of the co-dependency, which is sometimes linked to childhood trauma.

Share with me your own experiences of co-dependency.

Co-dependent relationships can be overwhelming and addictive. Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Identity, Relationships, Trauma, Wellness , , ,