5 Reflections on Emotional Baggage
In our baggage claim series as part of our Beyond Medicine service on Facebook, we summarized and reflected on the emotional baggage in our last episode. We looked at the emotional baggage we carry from parents to children, between siblings, within families, across families and relatives, within communities and across communities, within nations and across nations. We also looked at discrimination and bias within and between religions, ethnicities, genders and nations and how they contribute to aggression, abuse, violence and war.
In this blog, we reflect on emotional baggage at these scales, and explore either lack of recognition of the need or refusal to deal with these biases and prejudices to help bring peace and harmony in our lives. Here are five ways to start unpacking and dealing with the emotional baggage we carry:
1. Being mindful
We all have suffered or were traumatized in one way or another. So, the first step is to recognize the problem. We could ask ourselves: why do we behave like we do? Why do we say or do hurtful things to certain people? Once we realize that this is all learned behavior, or a coping mechanism from our past, then and only then can we start unpacking the emotions that come with it and start to heal.
2. Remembering
We need to realize and accept that we experienced hurtful things as children, adolescents or adults. This is usually very painful and triggering, so discussing it with a counselor, therapist or being in a support group is very useful. You are not alone in this situation. There are lots of people with unhealed trauma and pain. Carrying emotional baggage will not help us heal the cycle of violence, abuse, and trauma. The worst outcome is that we spread this negativity to our children, grandchildren, friends and relatives, like our ancestors passed their pain to us. To break this cycle, we have to unlearn this conditioned behavior.
3. Unlearning
It is difficult to unlearn what we grew up with, especially if we were raised in a traumatic environment, where there may have been verbal, physical, sexual or emotional abuse, and where love was associated with abuse. You end up not trusting love or even kindness as it came with harm. We tend to carry that association of love with abuse or violence. Also the gender, religious and other biases may also have been passed on from family and friends; people we trusted. However, we must remember that ‘true love’ is unconditional and it does not harm. Maybe we did not experience this as children, so we hide behind biases, prejudices and discrimination, as we do not trust ‘love’.
4. Relearning
Relearning helps us to be present with people, acknowledging them as equal human beings, instead of treating our grown children like they know nothing, for example. We could smile and/or greet people in public, even if we do not know them – this is basic humanity. We can think before passing negative comments about other people. We can learn to love ourselves as we are despite the abuse or trauma we were exposed to. It was never our fault – remember this!
5. Contributing to world peace
When we look around we see that verbal, emotional, physical and sexual violence is still happening. Domestic violence in the Pacific rates as one of the highest in the world as we continue to battle patriarchy, neo-colonialism, and other oppressive systems. Ethnic disturbances are still present in many countries. Unrest between countries is escalating; at a massive scale we see genocide and war still happening. Humanity has not learnt to disagree safely or compassionately. Every individual can contribute to bringing peace once we learn to be at peace within ourselves.
Share with us your reflections and actions towards healing from trauma and the emotional baggage we need to unpack, sort, and put away for good.
