Integritus Prime

I have been experiencing many changes – inside and outside of my physical form. Some might say the changes are setbacks, for example hyper-vigilance and injury, but even as I experienced sadness with some of the changes, I have come to realize that I must always return to a foundation of self-love and self-care. Self-love and self-care are integral to everything I am and everything I can do.

If I am not my own frame of reference, I cannot give anything of quality to anyone. So, my current challenges are pointing me to gaps in my self-love and self-care. Self-love really is the beginning – a practice of treating oneself as we would a baby or a beloved elder. That love, tenderness, compassion, and kindness that we extend to those we love must be turned inward. From this practice, self-care becomes a second layer – we care diligently for what and whom is loved.

After years of practicing self-love and self-care, I realize that we are always called to step up our practice as stressors increase and as circumstances change. Here are 3 insights from my practice that I hope you find valuable:

1. Know that you are worthy of true love: It is up to us to set the standard of how we love ourselves. It is from this standard that others discern how much we respect ourselves. Behave in ways that evidence love and care for you – be kind, considerate, and compassionate to yourself. Many of us wait or pine for someone else to fulfill our inner craving for love – to love ourselves creates a foundation for attracting someone who is similarly fulfilled. Then we can be in a relationship about resonance, not neediness.
2. Find ways to feel safe in your body: Our bodies are repositories of trauma – they remember everything. It is excruciating to journey inward and discover all the pain we carry, and yet this process cannot be bypassed. We must release, heal, and practice ways of soothing our nervous systems so we can feel safe. I highly recommend this book for practices that really work: The Secret Language of the Body.
3. Create a sanctuary that is yours alone: Space is so important. It is critical to create a space that is yours and no one else’s. A sanctuary where you can rest, restore, and rejuvenate. It could be a room in your home, or a favorite beach, or a mountaintop. Give yourself inner and outer space for mindful reflection, and notice how detached you become.
4. Build and maintain your self-care practice: Collect a set of tools that restore you and use them often – put them into your calendar and daily practices. These tools could include meditation, breathing exercises, sleep hygiene, music, art, exercise, and diet. Stick to what makes you feel healthy and balanced. If you fall off the wagon, get back on. Don’t judge yourself, just do your best and keep going.
5. Set strong boundaries: Be very particular about the kinds of energy you expose yourself to, whether it’s people, news, or events. Say no without guilt to anyone and anything that disrupts your peace or compromises your values and integrity. After all, you are the gatekeeper to your wellbeing.

Share with me your progress, and your challenges with self-love and self-care.