Integritus Prime

To continue our Baggage Claim series, we looked at emotional baggage that people carry within communities, such as, religious, professional, housing and volunteer groups. One would think that there should not be emotional baggage within communities, but when one looks at these communities a little more closely or works with them, only then these issues surface.

Let me share my example, I was baptized as a baby in the Methodist church, then confirmed when I turned eighteen. However, after I got married, I went to the ‘Gospel Brethren’ church with my husband and family. After some time, the elders asked if I wanted to be baptized (I guess to be accepted as their own). I told them that I was baptized and confirmed. So then they asked if I was submerged fully in water to be cleansed. No, I said, I wasn’t, so they said that I had to go through that. My near-drowning experience as a child, phobia of being under water as well as being made to feel I was not good enough as a Methodist made me decide I was not going to remain in this community. This incident definitely created emotional baggage and I haven’t been to that church since. This happened more than 50 years ago but that emotional baggage is still there, I now realize.

This is just one example, there are many such examples within other communities. Different denominations of one religion having a different set of rules or practices which make other denominations feel less than or pariahs within the same religious groups, such as the followers of Hinduism (Arya samajis verses Sanatan dharmas) and the followers of Islam (Sunnies versus Shias). These differences ultimately create divisiveness that lead to emotional baggages.

Professional groups are not an exception. Senior doctors, for example, are usually very critical of junior ones especially if the latter are brilliant and passionate. If the seniors do not provide a nurturing environment for the younger learners, it creates uneasiness and lowers self-esteem. The juniors may start avoiding working with those seniors who are not supportive or nurturing. These emotional scars may be carried on until later in life or even during conferences and other events. Similarly, doctors look down upon nurses as lowlier workers, when nurses actually provide most of the care in medical relationships with patients.

Volunteer groups can also create emotional tensions and disharmony, especially when there are power dynamics or seniority involved. A younger recruit may be working more harmoniously with the existing volunteers and the supervising one may feel threatened. What makes it worse is that the higher-ups in that organization, do not acknowledge or deal with the supervising volunteer abusing or sabotaging the brilliant work of the new recruit. In a case I’m very familiar with, the enthusiastic and hard–working recruit had to quit due to the outrageously abusive supervising volunteer. This senior volunteer had a lot of emotional baggage from before and created an abusive environment for other enthusiastic recruits.

Another example comes to mind, in shared housing communities. There may be people of different ages and ethnicities living in a housing estate, what used to be called ‘low-cost’ housing in Fiji. These are two or three story buildings with multiple apartments or flats. The lifestyle of the younger tenants may disrupt the lifestyle of the senior residents, the ethnic differences may become an issue or even some religious practices of one tenant may offend others in the same housing complex.

There may be other similar communities such as schools (more on this in a later blog), that may create issues causing lasting mental health problems and emotional upheavals. 

Share with us your experience so we can all learn to deal with the emotional baggage we carry and lead authentic lives that make us happy and harm no one.