Integritus Prime

Sadly, what I am about to share is from my own painful experience. One of the qualities I now look for in everyone I meet and work with, is accountability. Showing up, doing what you said you would do, taking responsibility for what you do and fail to do, and for mistakes, are all classed as accountability in my mind. As a coach and a client to other coaches, and in friendships, I have noticed behaviors in people I once respected, that evidence a repeated lack of accountability. In this post, I share 3 examples.

1. A person who blames others but doesn’t take responsibility for their own actions. For instance – someone you care about might be complaining about how much they are being ill-treated by their loved one, but never once mention nor account for their own bad behaviors. In such instances, playing victim could be a tactic to mislead you, and you will not know the full truth until you speak to others and gather other perspectives. Such people have no integrity, or are stuck in a traumatic pattern and cannot see how toxic their behavior really is.
2. A person whose words and actions don’t match. A good example is a friend who keeps telling you they will make time for you, but consistently deprioritizes you. Their words are all about how much they care, but their actions show that you are not a priority to them: they cancel on you whenever something else comes up, and they don’t initiate any conversations to repair the damage to you.
3. A person who makes you doubt yourself while making it seem like they are concerned about you. This type of behavior is particularly insidious, because it’s disguised. Someone may tell you they want to help you but you have mischaracterized their behavior, and the problem is really you. But, when you share with loved ones and trusted friends, you realize they were trying to steer you in the direction of doubting yourself and believing something is wrong with you, so they could shift the blame and deflect accountability onto you, while drawing attention away from their bad behavior.

These are only three examples – what more can you point to from your experience that suggest people don’t want to be accountable?