5 Reasons you need Unconditional Self-Love in Your Life
Self-love means loving yourself, but unconditional self-love means being there for yourself no matter what. It means not judging yourself, being kind and having compassion for self and not basing your love for self on external factors, your achievements or other people’s opinions.
To be unconditional means avoiding judgment, and focusing on love. It means being loving and accepting of yourself as you are, irrespective of flaws you may have. This helps to build your own self-awareness, self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence and self-care. Always being there for yourself as your own best friend, no matter what, is the goal. This is like most parents who are there for their children without judgment, loving them unconditionally and supporting them as they grow to find their own purpose in life.
Loving yourself unconditionally, especially as an adult, means you can:
- Take notice of and improve self-talk, keeping it positive no matter what negative things you’ve told yourself before.
- Accept, value, and respect yourself at all times.
- Acknowledge, appreciate and celebrate what sets you apart from others.
- Be kind and compassionate to yourself, especially when you’re feeling down.
- Focus on the positive with your attention and intention, and you will create better outcomes in your life.
However, unconditional love does NOT mean that you have no boundaries. Having boundaries allows you to live a life of peace, love and harmony with yourself and others. Having boundaries help you to safeguard your integrity and fulfill your purpose in life. A healthy self-love practice means healthy boundaries with yourself. For example, if you fall off the bandwagon for exercise, you set a boundary to reach out to a buddy to help you, or if you succumb to alcohol or drugs again, you will take yourself to rehab. A great example of unconditional self-love is to be a good friend to yourself even when you feel you’ve let yourself down…it’s not easy, but when done, it will change your life!
When you love yourself unconditionally, you can love other people unconditionally as well. In doing so you still need to have strong boundaries so that you preserve your independence, self-worth and your general well being. Loving someone unconditionally does not mean being taken for granted or abused. Love is not abuse. Loving someone doesn’t mean you become a doormat.
Another misconception is that you need to stay in a relationship because you love them, regardles of what they might do to you. This is not necessarily true – you can love someone unconditionally from a distance without being physically close or interacting with them on a daily basis or at all. Love does not mean accepting harmful actions from the one you love unconditionally, or continuing to stay with them unconditionally. For some, it may have come from the age-old pledge ‘…to have and to hold…’ which is violated the moment abuse happens.
Loving someone else unconditionally means you want them to be happy without any strings attached or without expectation. It is a selfless act that you can continue to be true to, while also loving yourself and protecting yourself from harm.
Loving yourself unconditionally also means dealing with your own broken boundaries as you cannot create physical distance with yourself. So you have to go inside and find out the root cause of why you violated your own boundaries, and resolve it. Sometimes, when you cannot deal with your own negative actions, you may want to bury your woes into addiction such as smoking or taking drugs. This makes the situation worse. It is okay to ask for help. Trusted friends, counselors and coaches may be able to guide you back to loving yourself unconditionally.
When we are in love with ourselves and consistently self-loving, we glow differently. People are drawn to us and want to know why we are authentically confident, and comfortable setting boundaries. We become magnetic.
Share with us your journey towards unconditional self-love.
