Integritus Prime

Self-love is such a fascinating topic that I feel drawn to it more and more as we discuss this in our Beyond Medicine: Self-love for Uncertain Times series. In the third episode of these series we discussed how to actually practice self-love. It is not enough to just say that you love yourself. Your actions need to reflect the love you have for yourself – for more on self-love, check out our book, The Path to Romantic Success: What You Won’t Learn in School or at Home about Finding True Love.

As we all know, behavior is learned, and so are the criticisms and comments that people hurl at us when we are young. We also absorb social norms and these affect our behavior and relationship to ourselves as well. We are told what to do, how to be, what to say, how to think; we are told what is appropriate and what is not. Remarks from our friends, parents, teachers, relatives or even workmates might be well intentioned but they stay with us in our subconscious mind. Often, we internalize these comments subconsciously and become our own harshest critics.

Are you your own critic? Are you caring too much about what people will say about you if you do something that may not be socially acceptable at the time?  Are you a people pleaser? Self-love means being aware of these issues and loving yourself enough to deal with them.

Nine ways to practice self-love are:

1. Being yourself. You are unique and you do things differently. There is no comparison between you and anyone else. If you do want to compare or compete then do better today compared to what you did yesterday.
2. Forgiving yourself. As we discussed in last week’s post, it’s important to forgive yourself for past mistakes. Learn to let go and move on. Live in the present.
3. Trusting yourself to make the right decisions. You know yourself best. Go within and use your intuition. Meditation also helps to provide guidance.
4. Making mistakes safely, without self-criticism. All mistakes are learning opportunities. Tell yourself you will do better next time.
5. Facing your fears and insecurities. Find out what causes you to feel anxious. It is okay to ask for help from a counselor or coach to deal with your fears. It brings out your true self and helps you love yourself more.
6. Being kind and compassionate to yourself. Celebrate your successes. Do not let your inner critic berate you – you can change that dialog by being aware and consciously changing the script.
7. Recognizing and distancing yourself from toxic people. Do not be afraid even though it may be a painful process – it is totally worth it. Be with positive people who bring out the best in you.
8. Getting to know yourself. Take yourself out for a meal or a movie. Date yourself. Learn who you really are. If you don’t love yourself for who you really are, how will you know if someone else’s love is genuine?
9. Loving yourself unconditionally, inside and out. Your body or outer appearance does not define you. Love yourself as you are and your inner beauty will shine through.

The best way to encourage others to love themselves is to practice self-love yourself. When people see how comfortable you are in your own company, looking radiant and serene, they will want to know how you achieved this way of being. Share with them and us your practices of self-love and how you have changed your life so far compared to how you started out in life.