Integritus Prime

While growing up, examples of self-love in my relatives and friends were scarce or absent. So, how do we learn what it means to love ourselves? Put simply, our physical bodies grow more or less automatically from infancy to childhood and then adulthood. However, our mental, emotional and spiritual growth depends quite heavily on the people who surround us. Who are our role models, mentors or teachers? Are they displaying examples of self-love, spirituality, emotional maturity or positivity? What are we absorbing into our subconscious mind about our own value when we interact with these people?

Most times, we find that the negative comments about us stay with us longer in our subconscious mind. We become people pleasers, very conscious of our own ‘flaws’ as defined by others, and start taking to heart other people’s opinion of ourselves. We base our happiness on outside factors and other people’s comments. We end up miserable and depressed, self-critical, and begin to loathe ourselves.

To start loving ourselves, we need to look within at who we are and what makes us happy. What do we want from this life; what inspires us; what makes us feel worthy? We are born worthy, but outside influences and negative comments overshadow this fact.

The dimensions of self-love to focus on are mental, emotional, spiritual as well as physical as we explore how to love ourselves.

These 5 intentional practices can get you to better know and love yourself:

1. Assign time for yourself. Plan to do something for yourself and schedule a time to do it. Activities could include spending time in nature, reading books you love, listening to soothing music, dealing with your emotions or talking with trusted friends, eating nutritious foods, meditating or praying, and doing fun physical activities like dancing.
2. Nurture mental health. Examine negative thoughts and practice easing them out of your mind. Start noticing your internal self-talk and use affirmations for every negative thought that surfaces. Loving yourself is NOT a selfish act as some may want you to believe. Read inspirational books or quotes, or listen to inspirational and motivational speakers. Talk to a counselor or coach if the issue causing you mental stress is too daunting to tackle alone.
3. Take notice of how you feel. Are you sad or upset or grieving? Stay with these emotions, feel them and let them go. Do not deny or dismiss them. When we are young we get conditioned to suppress emotions, especially for boys who get told that ‘boys do not cry’. It is okay to feel your emotions.
4. Re-examine your values. What do you believe in? Does it make sense? Do your values cause harm to yourself or any other sentient being? Question what does not make sense and research for yourself, especially with recent evidence. Revise your values if necessary for your own peace of mind and mental wellness.
5. Treat your body with love and care. Eat nutritious foods, drink adequate amounts of water, exercise regularly and sleep well. When the body is healthy, it supports a balanced mind as well. Embed healthy habits into your daily lifestyle.

When you love yourself mindfully, you make it an intentional practice. Accept who you are despite any flaws that you may have. Trust yourself to do the right thing. Once you truly love yourself then you will know how it feels to love someone else. You will be giving quality care to others as well. People will notice your self-love and will be inspired to do the same.

Share with us your intentional practices of self-love, so we can all learn together.